Watching Yourself in a Film

I have been asked several times what it feels like to watch myself in a film.  The answer?  

It depends on the film.  :-)

Seriously, though, I believe this is an important topic to be addressed.  It's a strange thing to watch yourself on the screen, especially for the first time.  I have given this matter much thought, and here's what I want to say to you...

Don't expect to watch yourself in a film and get the same feeling you do from watching a Hollywood movie starring actors you've never met.

If you act in a film and think, "Wow, I'm going to be just like Harrison Ford or Kate Winslet!" - you're going to be more than slightly disappointed when you watch the final product.  Well, for one, they probably have more training and definitely more experience than you do, but also, YOU CAN'T FOOL YOURSELF.

You might give a great performance, but you still know it's just YOU, and on top of that, you remember every detail that went into filming each scene.  When you have intimate knowledge of what was going on behind the scenes of a film, it can't carry the same magic.  You remember every mishap, every retake, every funny blooper that went into making the film.

When you watch actors in big films (or even little films), it's easy to suspend disbelief and step into the fake world of the film.  We know that Robert Downey Jr. is just an actor pretending to be Iron Man or Sherlock Holmes, but we are easily transported into his world and made to believe that he is those characters.  But when Robert Downey Jr. watches himself in those films, he probably feels much like you or I do when we watch ourselves perform.

And if you're a normal person - you're going to be your own worst critic.  But instead of beating yourself up over facial expressions you wish you hadn't made, or physical gestures you wish you HAD made, give yourself grace and use it as an opportunity to learn and improve.

You're not perfect.  Hollywood actors aren't perfect either.  They can give great performances, but I'm sure they have plenty of moments when they watch themselves and cringe, even when we see it as a flawless performance.

Oh, and guess what?  You don't have to be Harrison Ford or Kate Winslet or Robert Downey Jr.  You're awesome just being YOU.  Be who God made you to be and don't try to be someone you're not.  Embrace your own personality and characteristics and unique physical qualities, and bring that to the table when you're interpreting a character.  That's when you will give your best performance.

But to answer the original question -- what does it feel like to watch myself on the screen -- honestly, I'm a little bit terrified whenever I sit down to watch myself in a film for the first time.  My stomach gets tight and my heart starts racing.  Usually, my primary emotion afterward is a sense of relief -- "Oh good!  I wasn't terrible!" (Not that I expect myself to be terrible, but there are always scenes that I'm concerned about.)  It's a strange sensation ("Wait, I was in a movie?") but also very exciting ("Oh my goodness, I was in a movie!").  After all the time you spent investing your heart and soul into the project, and all the months (or years) spent waiting afterwards, it's very rewarding to see the outcome of the hard work that everyone on the cast and crew poured into the production.

Bottom line:  Have realistic expectations when you watch yourself in a film.  Give yourself credit for working hard and doing a good job!  If you see areas where you can improve, turn it into a positive instead of a negative experience.  Take notes for next time but don't let it discourage you or feed insecurities.  Give yourself grace.  Enjoy the film.  Cherish your memories of the project (hopefully they're good ones!).  And then move on.

These are just my thoughts and observations.  If anyone else has something to add to this, I'd love to hear your comments!  :-)